I was nervous. My heart was racing and my mind spinning. The words I hear moments ago rattled me to the core. I snubbed the cigarette and walked through the Emergency Room doors and admitted myself.
The day before was a Sunday and I woke up feeling a little weird, like when you sleep funny and you feel all scrunchy and numb. “ It’s fine ”, I thought, but it wasn’t. Throughout the day, Lisa and I did chores, hung a curtain rod, ate our meals, but the “weirdness” I felt stayed.
The next day, the numbness across my entire right side was still there and yet I kept it to myself. I called the doctor’s office and explained how I was feeling and they urged me to see the doctor, soon , like now soon.
I sat in the examination room as a young nurse placed the blood pressure cuff on my arm and started pumping. And pumping. And pumping. I felt like a tube of toothpaste when you try to get the last little smidge to come out. Then she did it again. And then again on the other arm. She had a forced faint smile on her face.
She left and soon returned with the doctor in tow. And the process was repeated.
“Is everything OK?”, I asked. “Well your blood pressure is dangerously high, it’s 220/190”. I glanced at the machine, 230 was as high as it went; "
oh, this isn’t good,
" I thought.
It wasn’t good, I had had a full-on Stroke at the age of 52.
This was my second “
wake up
” call
(but that is another story)
, and now I heed its calling daily.
I do less of the stuff I don’t want to do, and more of the stuff I want to do. My priorities have shifted and my values have changed. I take time to enjoy the moment for this may be my last. I fret less about the past and try to stay in the moment with a clear path in front of me. I care less about what the Jones have and more about the blessing I have.
From that Monday morning 8 years ago, I have not had a single cigarette; I quit cold turkey.
Quitting cold turkey after 36 years of smoking has given me the strength to know that I can accomplish what I truly want. It has given me the courage to push myself in ways I could have never imagined and also the perspective of appreciating what I do have – my wife, my kids, my friends, my life, my health, and my humble accomplishments.
I still love a glass of wine and I think wine has been part of the healing process. Wine brings people together, to engage with others, to share food and stories and I thank you all for being part of my life; for this is the most important human experience.
Namaste